jokes!- some chuck norris facts :p

[crystal_05]

#chuck norrises tears can cure cancer...to bad he never cries.

#chuck norris is suing NBC claiming law&order are trademarked name for his left and right leg

# chuck norris has already been to mars...thats why there is no sign of life there

# some people wear super man pajamas.....superman wears chuck norris pajamas

# Chuck norris was gonna star on the show 24 but the media wouldn't let him because he killed all the terrorists in 10 mintues

# Chuck norris won a connect four game.....in 3 turns

# If i had 3$ and chuck had 3$ chuck would have more.

# when chuck took a test he answered everyproblem with the word "violence" and got a A+ because chuck solves all his problems with violence

# chuck once strangled a man to death with a cordless phone

# There is no control button on chucks computer cause chuck is always in control

# Chuck can kill 2 stones with one bird

# There is no theory of evolution just a list of animals chuck allows to live

# chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding

#Chuck Norris Always donates blood to the blood bank,but never his own

#Chuck Norris's fist was supposed to be a melee weapon for Call of Duty, but it was too strong to be put in the game
on the 7th day, chuck norris took over while god took a break.

# every night the boogeyman checks under his bed for chuck norris.

# chuck Norris doesn't read, he just stares down at the book until it gives him the info that he needs.

#There was no Big Bang, just Chuck Norris getting kicked by Bruce Lee.

# Chuck norris once shot down an enemy plane by pointing his finger at it.

#It takes an atomic bomb to even leave a bruise on chuck norris, but it takes only Bruce Lee to injure or kill him.

#Chuck norris is so strong, every time Bruce Lee kills him, he resurrects himslef.

#Poisonous gas was created from chuck Norris's farts.

#lightning and thunder are caused by chuck norris sneezing.

#under chucks beard is not a chin....but another fist



#In his youth, Chuck Norris distributed the newspaper. There is no survivor

Ville-aftermath.jpg (15.22 KiB) Viewed 3179 times

#If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

#When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

#Chuck Norris once showed up at Google and demanded that they rename their search engine "Chuck Norris." When they refused, Chuck kicked Google in the face, transforming it's bruise into Google Dark.

#Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.

#Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

#When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norrised.

#When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

#chuck norris has 2 right legs

# chuck norris can lead a horse too water AND make him drink it

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

#Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

#Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

#Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.

#There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up

#Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

#Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

#The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter

#The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s *** halfway through the first chapter

#Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

#Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Eduardo]

found ones more
Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

[steve]

wow

[parade]

@Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two" =))))
I have almost forgotten about Chuck.. He was a real hero of my childhood )